Tuesday, January 24, 2006

it's hard to hear with all these bibles thumping!

So I was flipping through the channels last night, and I happened to stop on the “Jesus channel.” The one with the old nuns and even older programming dedicated to Catholicism and greater Christian beliefs. Yeah, well, apparently for the 33rd time, the “March for Life” happened a few days ago. I’ve never paid much attention to this event, being that I don’t believe a single thing that it espouses, but for some reason I just couldn’t turn away from the train wreck. It just so happened that I tuned in just as the MC, Nellie Gray, was stuttering her way through an introduction for one of the many Congressmen (and women…sadly) that were in attendance. Here is an excerpt from a site I found with a list of the politicians in attendance:

“It is expected that some Members of Congress and others will speak at the rally, including: Sen. Sam Brownback, and Rep. Christopher H. Smith (R-N.J.), Jeff Fortenbury, (R-Neb.), W. Todd Akin (R-Mo.), Todd Tiahart (R-Kan.), Steve Chabot (R-Ohio), Melissa Hart (R-Pa.), Mike Pence (R-Ind.), Steve King (R-Iowa), Mike Fergerson (R-N.J.), Scott Garrett (R-N.J.), and Jeanne Schmidt (R-Ohio).” (Letter written to USNewswire.com)



This intro for a man affectionately known as, “Mr. Pro-life” was a Rep. from N.J. But, before she gave up the mic, Nellie made mention about how he was trying to stop people from denying “personhood” to “millions of pre-born children.” I guess I’m not the only one who likes to make up words. They’re not fetuses anymore; they’re “pre-born” children. I guess since they’re now considered “pre-born” that means they no longer rely on a “mother” or “post-born organic host” to ensure their livelihood.
Some of the highlights from Congressman Smith’s (R-NJ) speech were things like “we need more fundamentalist truth policy makers” and “faith filled public policy makers” and who doesn’t grow a big rubbery one for a Congressman who quotes Matthew: 25.

Other notable quotes:

Nellie Gray who said “feminist abortionists” no less than a dozen times in the thirty minutes of air time I observed.

Christopher Smith (R-NJ) “We now know that from 20 weeks of development, probably sooner, un…pre-born children feel pain, probably twice as much as we do…”

Jeanne Schmidt (R-Ohio) “Rain is Gods way of cleansing evil.”
(She apparently hadn’t considered that the rain that had been ever present during their march may have been…well, evil. Follow with me now: rain is God cleaning away evil; it is raining on us :. We must be evil! Ramah Ramah Ding Ding.)

I don’t want to get off track here, but this involves two things I hate the most in this world: religious zealots, and Ohio. This time, two Reps. From the big Zeros couldn’t make it for more than a sentence without declaring their intentions to govern as the bible instructs them to. If it wasn’t for Cher and Milt, I would probably have joined Al-Qaeda by now and been the leader of a cell bent of destroying every inch of that vacuous hole in our gene pool.

Old Nellie liked to talk about how Roe v Wade was “not the law of the land” which is kind of silly: that’s exactly what it is. She felt that God’s laws are the law of the land. However which God is still up in the air…and when exactly God spends any time on this land is not yet being considered. Speaking of God abandoning all of us: now is when I like to tell you all about Rabbi Yehuda Levin of New York.

I’m going to say this as gently as I can. The sight of an orthodox Jew standing on the stage with copious anti-Semites is beyond me. He must have forgotten that all these people blame Jews for the death of Christ; believe that unless all Jews convert to Christianity they will all burn in hell. His agenda, which was decidedly more about being anti-homosexual, implied that Katrina, the Tsunami, Rita, Bin Laden, the Iraq War (part dos) and some other catastrophic events were to blame on abortion, or homosexuality, or both. He failed to mention the unbelievable earthquake in Kashmir which aid workers are challenged to even negotiate supplies through the mountainous region let alone the civil war with India. Maybe he overlooked that one due to the undeniable Muslim ness of that region…the good Rabbi would likely not consider me a Jew. But that won’t stop me from considering him an Uncle Tom.

The whole thing leaves a bad taste in my mouth. And the spectacle of the march makes me wonder why it is that these people felt comfortable making parallels between the Nazi party and those who support choice? Nellie Gray talked about the Nuremberg trials and suggested that a similar fate was in store for all of us “feminist abortionists.” She sounds like the white power skinheads who talk about the fall of the “Zionist Overrun Government.” Careful there Nellie, you don’t want to align yourself with that movement. Keep it to a kinder, gentler sounding fascism.

In conclusion, I’m going out now, to get an abortion…maybe two. (Breakfast at IHOP—I like my eggs over-hard, over-easy, scrambled; a fetus to feed us, that’s what I say!)

4 Comments:

Blogger millard said...

I am speechless.

5:42 AM  
Blogger millard said...

Almost forgot, have you noticed that when you do something well you are your mother's child?

7:26 AM  
Blogger Cold Spaghetti said...

Hear, hear! Send this one to the papers.

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very well written, with the exception of the Ohio comments. There are plenty of folks in the Buckeye state who are on our side. You have to admit, though amusing, this Christo-Facism is some scary shit.

6:12 AM  

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